For the last several years, Anthony and I have struggled so hard with money, attempting to get back on the same page with finances, make ends meet, put food on the table, pay down debts…that we’ve often missed the boat and continue to struggle harder. We rarely have food security. There are entire weeks each month where we have to carefully ration food to make sure everyone eats 3 meals a day. I cringe hearing my kids tell me they’re hungry because I don’t know if I can make our food last to the end of the month if I give them one more snack in between meals.
Most months we run out of gas money too early. We have to borrow. It’s soul crushing to ask more than once.
Every month we have to watch our bills pile up, debts increasing because we just don’t enough money to pay everyone. It grates on our nerves, threatens to break us. Yet we know – somehow we have more than enough.
I remember once walking through the grocery store helping a friend shop for her family. I hadn’t eaten a full meal in days. I desperately wanted to grab some fruit, crackers, cheese – anything really – off the shelves, run to a secret corner somewhere and devour the food like a wild animal. I was so desperate for food. I’d been pretending to eat at home, but there wasn’t enough food to go around, so I was saving my share for my husband and kids. I count them as better than myself.
I didn’t steal food that day and I never told my friend how hungry I was. Not too long later, she surprised me with a grocery cart full of food that she’d paid for. It was a gift for my family that she’d felt compelled to give. My faithfulness was being rewarded – for lack of a better term. I’d not grown weary in doing good. The Lord provided.
We are facing similar (but not the same) issues right now. I feel tired – exhausted, really. Every day I wonder when the glass floor will shatter, so to speak, and we’ll be knocked off our feet and lose everything. I know if we remain faithful the Lord will provide. We will not ever need to lie, steal or cheat in order to provide for our family. I pray continually that the Lord will give us wisdom to use our resources wisely. Sometimes I fear we’ll never get it right. We are trying and we are praying. So much is coming at us so fast that it seems like we’ll never float – we’re always fighting not to drown.
We won’t drown. The Lord knows our needs. He will provide.
I share this to encourage anyone else facing the same or similar situation. There’s no shame in asking for help, especially when you have kids. You are going to get through this. So are we.
We’ve been selling extra items, Anthony’s taken on extra hours at work, I’ve worked briefly in the past (but had to quit to save money). We’re cutting expenses left and right and always looking for more ways to do so. Nothing sticks for long. We pray about finances a lot, never wanting to burden anyone else. This is our problem. Except that it’s not just our problem. It’s a problem millions of people face each day in our country and so many of us pretend we’re alone in this, not wanting to burden anyone else, not wanting to share our shame. We’re afraid that people will think less of us. What does it matter if someone thinks less of us because we’re struggling? Isn’t that indicative of a larger problem within themselves, rather than with us?
We can hold our heads high and continue to look to the Lord for help. Our help does come from the Lord. He is ever present in our time of need and in our time of rejoicing. He can be trusted with all that we are going through, good and bad. Won’t you take some time to share your burdens with Him today?
Remember: Do not grow weary in doing good. God sees you. He has not left you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will supply all your needs. Have faith and rest in Him.
God bless you, Brothers and Sisters.