Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4 NIV
I’ve been thinking about this verse a lot. I have it framed, sitting in my kitchen window sill. My greatest desire is to raise up a family that honors God above self, ambition and the world. I’ve joked for years about wanting to be June Cleaver, but there’s so much more to my desire than the outward image of who the TV personality of June Cleaver is. I want a family that doesn’t break apart at the seams when trouble comes, but pulls others in (in good times and bad) and starts sewing them into the tapestry as well, making something more beautiful than any of us ever would’ve imagined.
I want to do more than just have this vague idea of being better than my parents were. Revenge never solved anything, nor does anger. Our parents are human and they make mistakes too. God knows their struggles and He’s offering grace to each of our parents, and to us, no matter how screwed up we are. To simply say we want to better than our parents is a cop-out, I’m discovering. Harsh, hard to hear, hard to say, to recognize and admit, but true all the same.
Sometimes, due to PTSD, I really struggle with maturity in all areas of my life, but the place I feel the struggle the most is in my spiritual life. Pray for me, please?
Lately, God has been deepening my understanding of what Jesus meant when He said (in Matthew 10:38, 39) that we have to” die to live in Christ”. We have to set our foolishness and our desires aside so that we can raise good, God-fearing kids. And that can hurt our hearts as it rips us away from our own selfish ambitions. It reshapes our priorities and places a new purpose, new desires in our hearts. Kids are our future, and if we’re not standing up for them and fighting for them and praying for them and loving them…who is? Who is influencing our kids and shaping the desires of their hearts?
What about you? What do you want? What are your desires of the heart? What are you struggling with? Share in the comments below.